Can a woman have it all?

Sara:

Can a woman have ‘it all’? What do people mean when they say this? I am finding it hard to answer this question. If a woman can’t have ‘it all’ do we assume therefore that a man has ‘it all’? And what is ‘it all’ anyway?

As is customary, I googled the question, total cop out I know, and I apologise in advance, however, it did bring up some interesting and thought provoking results.

“You can love your job, but your job will not love you back” - Cathie Black, Former Chairman and President, Hearst Magazines

So, having a job is not enough? Are we unhappy if a career is the main focus? I find that my job gives me a sense of purpose and I enjoy the challenges it brings and also the opportunity it gives me to exercise my mind. But, I am very aware that I would not be wholly fulfilled if my job was the only thing in my life.

“We need to understand that there is no formula for how women should lead their lives. That is why we must respect the choices that each woman makes for herself and her family. Every woman deserves the chance to realize her God-given potential” - Hilary Rodham Clinton

Amen Hilary! Though not wholly sure about the God-given bit here, I totally agree with the sentiment that there is no formula for how we should live our lives. ‘It all’ will be different from one person to the next.  

“There is no such thing as a work life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life” - Alain De Botton

It’s all one big juggling act. This is certainly how I have felt since having my daughter. If having it all is having a perfect balance between work and family life, I think this is totally unobtainable.

So, back to that age old question, can a woman have it all? Well it depends what is her ‘all’ I suppose.

Katie: 

Can a Woman Have it all?

5 things I really want:

1/ I really want a yacht, I’d keep it at Trinity Sur La Mer in Brittany. I’d learn to speak fluent French, ride a bike with a basket. I’d have a little dog, be friends with all the locals and I’d shop at the quaint but expensive delicatessens. I’d get all the tasty food and wine I wanted and go back to my yacht. I’d sail, drink, eat and read books on the deck as the sun set.

2/ No, what I really want is a book shop/café/art space. It would be a really laid back and welcoming place that loads of people would want to come to.

3/ I could do with £7000 for a house deposit, no make it £14000 then I could pay off my car too, or maybe make it £16000… you get the picture.

4/ I want to go back to when I was 19 and not walk down that alley way.

5/ I haven’t smoked for 7 years but sometimes, like when I’m watching an old film, sometimes I really want a cigarette. A real hand rolled, smoking, stinking, relaxing cigarette. But without the risk of lung cancer, so there is no guilty feeling.

Three years ago that list would have read closer to:

1/ I want a yacht

2/ I want a bookshop

3/ I want to enjoy my job

4/ I want a better car

5/ I want to do more adventurous stuff

And tomorrow the list could change all over again.

To answer the question; no, I don’t think it is possible to have it all, because ‘it all’ is an ever changing goal. I never wanted to buy a house before, now I do and when I do eventually buy one I’m sure I will replace ‘house’ with ‘dog’ or ‘ski holiday’. ‘It all’ also varies with the individual; our dreams are as unique as our finger prints. My ‘it all’ is different from Sara’s, as is hers from the next girls, so even if I thought I had it all, plenty of people would disagree.

That our ‘it all’s are different and that they change all the time, I think, is ultimately a good thing. These aspirations are what keep us working, moving, living. If we stopped wanting, then we might just stop.

A day in the life of...

Sara:

Woken up at 6am by our baby crying. My husband wakes up and takes her downstairs for breakfast, it’s his turn.

Woken up again at 7am by husband and baby returning to bed for morning cuddles. Prize myself out of bed for a shower at 7.30am and then wash hair etc. Brush teeth with daughter, although she spends most of the time sucking the bristles on the toothbrush!

Then begin the ‘routine’, moisturiser, mascara, blusher, deodorant. Blow dry hair and straighten hair (extra care taken today, had a haircut yesterday so unsure as to how it will sit). Get dressed and apply a waft of perfume.

Breakfast, get baby ready for nursery, husband has made sandwiches for us today. Then we all walk to work/nursery together.

Kiss baby goodbye at nursery door and arrive at work at 9am. This morning’s agenda includes creative problem solving training.

Sara's Desk

My team and I have a good time making towers strong enough to hold marshmallow’s (more here) and using some creative techniques to expand our problem solving techniques.

Then quick trip into town on lunch, buy some board books for my daughter and look for a pressie for a friend of mine’s little girl who’s turning one this week. Can’t find a thing, so give up and go to M&S to buy some giant pretzels and some chocolate (yum yum).

Back to work, eat lunch at desk, this afternoon includes a probation meeting and a meeting with an academic who wants to discuss the digital presence of his research centre pages.

I then get an opportunity to go through my e-mails from the past two days (I take Tuesdays off as holiday to look after my little girl). These include the usual frustrations and referrals to my Manager for advice and guidance.

This takes me to 5pm, when I have to leave on the dot. Pick up my daughter from nursery and walk home. Literally walk in through the front door, drop the little one off with my husband, and pick up car keys, straight back out again. Drive across Plymouth to the edge of Dartmoor to see my therapist. This is my saving grace. I have been doing this for some months now, it keeps me sane. I think everybody should do this once in their life!

I make it home for 7.30pm. Speak to my Husband for 5 minutes before he goes to play tennis. I make some dinner for myself, eat that and sit down to write this.

Katie:

Katie's Office

My day started at 7.30am with my alarm, set early so we can snooze for about an hour. Dropped off some washing at the shared machine next door and put my hood up against the rain for my two-minute walk to work. I immediately began packing lunches into rucksacks for a day off site at the Roaches. Today there will be 24 of us; two instructors, two teachers and 20 13 year olds.

9.20am is bed inspection, the girls all got 10/10 today because, well, they are nice kids and their room was pretty tidy. On the bus for 10am with mostly all the right stuff and settled into a 45 minute coach ride to the Peak District National Park. We pulled up and it was hammering it down with rain. Waterproofs on and we slogged up to the woods with our lunch, dumped the rucksacks and started off on our walk.

The Roaches is a grit stone formation that has been forced out of the ground. It is popular for walking and climbing and is really interesting for it’s geological features. We squeezed as much of this as we could into a relatively quick walk then retreated to the lunch area in the woods for some shelter. We ate our packed lunches in the rain, then the tell tale signs of cold children began as they zombie-like appeared one by one around our lunch area until we were surrounded.

Still raining we walked them up Hen Cloud, another rock formation close by and admired the beautiful, misty views. Here I was told that one of the girls with us had never seen a cow before! Where we were stood, way up high on a hill, used to be the bed of a massive braided river that covered the landscape as far as we could see and beyond. Today I learnt that you can tell which way the river flowed by the markings in the rocks; a new piece of information to pass on to future groups.

We slipped and slid down a muddy forest telling scary stories of children that got lost in the woods, then made our way back through the heather. Wild grouse cackled as we crossed the bog of doom, one of the boys made a run for it and plunged his foot into the muddy depths of the bog. His foot returned shoeless, no amount of foraging could retrieve it so he had to walk back half on the path half on the grass. Muddy and soaking wet we returned to the coach, the journey back was spent chatting about the day and making a quick birthday phone call to my Dad.

By 5pm I’m clean again and helping myself to some tea, always a choice of three dishes, always cooked for me, I just have to help wash up for 100+ kids afterwards. After eating I help serve pudding but particularly enjoy persuading the kids to have salad with their tea. Tonight I managed to persuade 15 out of over 100, it’s a tough job.

Time for a cuppa then I’m in the old surgery, serving tuck shop from a hatch in the games room with Miss Molly. A never-ending queue of kids buying sweets, key rings and slinkies. It’s actually quite fun and I snaffled myself a twix for my efforts. At 7pm Miss Molly heads off with a group of kids on a night walk and I am office bound printing certificates; this part of my job requires the most patience but I think it’s worth it.

By 9pm all the kids are in pyjamas and drinking hot chocolate, someone from another school has bullied one of my group, he’s crying in the staff room and I feel a sense of satisfaction as the perpetrator is told off. It’s funny how you get protective of the group you are working with.

At 9.30pm I make the short walk home, picking up my washing on the way, I get into my pyjamas and cuddle up on the sofa with Simon to watch the end of Xmen 2. I attempt to read my book but I’m too tired, bed by 10.30pm and straight to sleep.

 

On turning 29...

Sara:

I met a man today who is spending a year doing a different job every week whilst raising money for the Prince’s Trust (his website).  This was very inspirational and got me thinking about what can be achieved in a year. This has been a common thought over the past couple of weeks as at the beginning of May I turned twenty nine, and am officially in the last year of my twenties.

I must admit that this has contributed greatly to my post baby/pre-mid-life crisis crisis. I have ticked off most of the things you’re ‘supposed’ to before you are thirty: Get married, tick, have baby, tick. But what now?

Therein lies the crisis. I haven’t got a plan. I read a magazine article on the weekend about a woman who married an Italian; she said the best thing about being married to him was that the plan was there was no plan. Maybe I should take a leaf out of their book?
I will pursue this line of thought but it does jar slightly with my list making ethos. Here’s what I’ve got so far (in no particular order):

• See the Nutcracker at Christmas
• Have tea at the Dorchester
• Leave Europe
• Eat lobster
• Try gig rowing
• Try diving

I will keep adding to this (and ticking them off) as I go but it should make for an interesting, if not eclectic, year.

Kate:

I’ve never desired owning my own house, much preferring the freedom that renting offers, I’ve not even considered it to be a waste of money as it allows me to live where I want for as long as I want. However, a few months ago I was having a miserable day, surveyors wanted access to the staff house again and in a moment of whimpering moanyness I texted Simon ‘I want to move out.’ A few hours later I had got over this mood and needed to go to town, so I texted again ‘I’m going to the bank. See you later.’ I sent the messages hours apart, but Simon read them together and replied with ‘Great idea, let’s buy a house! Ask in the bank about mortgages.’

This sort of misunderstanding sums up how I have got to where I am today. If I could rewind to when I was 16 and you were to ask me what I thought I’d be doing when I was thirty, I would probably have shrugged and said I quite fancy being a windsurfing instructor in Spain. I’ve gently ambled along my haphazard life’s path and at 29 have ended up in a job that I love, with amazing friends, a man that makes me happy and incidentally I am now a proud investor in a joint Save to Buy account!

So now I’ve got a year until I’m thirty, is now the time to make a list: final things to do before I’m over the hill? Countries I haven’t been to, mountains I haven’t climbed, run a marathon, do a bungee jump? Actually I think I’m going to stick to my norm, not having a plan seems to have worked out quite well for me so far. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything major, neither do I regret any decisions I’ve made along the line. Here’s to another year of haphazard ambling and probably many more after that, Clink!